Happy New Year! I hope 2022 finds you in good health and good-to-mediocre company.
My artist wife and I have had many new year’s traditions over the years. Setting new year’s resolutions, however, hasn’t been one of them.
So, in that spirit, here are 10 new year’s resolutions I should set for myself, but won’t:
1. Read the instructions. First. Before I start.
2. Commit ROY G BIV to memory and not have to Google it every. single. time.
3. Relearn social cues. Scratch that. Replace it with: Learn social cues. Period.
4. Unfriend every friend who shares those stupid cat memes. They are not cute.
5. When someone finds the answer, change the question. I’m not going to tell you which question.
6. Check for toilet paper before using a public toilet.
7. Press the “Close Door” button only once in the elevator.
8. Stop saying “LOL” when someone makes a joke and actually do it.
9. Stop writing stories inspired by my life married to an artist.
10. Invest in a new couch with a hideaway sofa bed.
My artist wife requires me to inform you that I have yet to sleep on the couch as a result of any of these Saturday morning stories. This postscript, however, might land me there.